MORE than MEETS the EYE!

I'm going for three blogs in a row with not a drop of alcohol in my system. Drip...drop...drip...DROP. So Tom Snyder is dead. I can clearly remember when I lived in Alaska, staying up late making mixtapes...yes, tapes, as in, CASSETTE TAPES...and his show would come on after Letterman I think and sometimes he'd have some really great people on there. I always appreciated his interview style, very conversation-like, as if he had a genuine interest in what the person had to say. I don't recall his questions being scripted like, say...oh, I don't know...OPRAH? A statement like that out in public might get me JUMPED but we're here in the land of cyberspace and I can say whatever I'd like. I think Oprah is wack, but back to Tom Snyder. He did really great interviews. Period. Remember this? "Fire up a colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures, now, as they fly through the air." He said it every night. Peace to Tom Snyder. Go here if you wanna take it BACK to another dude who I used to watch ALL the TIME - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH6D4LvYZwA - featuring the likes of YoYo, MC Lyte, Naughty By Nature, CL Smooth, A Tribe Called Quest, Guru, DAS EFX, Wu-Tang Clan, KRS ONE, Mad Lion, Fu-Schnickens...amazing. Tomorrow - 300 on dvd and the new Common album. What more could you ask for? The new Public Enemy? That's out NEXT Tuesday. GET THAT. BUY THAT. SUPPORT THAT. Let's call this a blog and call it GOOD cause I don't think I have much more to babble about. Word to the seven people reading this. Word to vodka pasta sauce. Word to gardenburger. Word to being so fly.....SO FLY. I'm out.....ZED.

GETTIN' ya DOWN like GRAVITY

This hip hop's in me...so they can't stop me...the rhyme animal has resurfaced...wreckin' all elements...destroyin' all irrelevance!! How is one supposed to go to work tomorrow? Really? REALLY? I've got a copy of the new Public Enemy which I can't stop listening to, and I get to interview Gary G-Wiz who has single handedly created some of my favorite PE tracks. No joke, the kid is AMPED. So what else is happening? Common's new album is out on Tuesday ($10 at Circuit City...snatch dat UP!) and so is "300" which is one hell of a movie. Frank Miller is genius and, really, that's all that needs to be said. See it. Watch it. Rent it. Buy it. Do what you gotta do. Just make sure you check that cause it'll make your jaw drop. That's a good thing. Know what else is good? LIFE. I'm just sayin'. It's funny how so much GOOD GOOD GOOD comes out of so much BAD. Weeks and months go by, just taking things day to day, just barely getting by, operating on autopilot and then suddenly...a 180 of GINORMOUS proportions. It's a real deal official word. Check the new Webster's if you don't believe this babbling blogging idiot. The secret is THREE shots of that Absolut Raspberry...not two. Trial and error, error and trial. I'm more than okay with that. That's life. Stacie and Kevin has been sharing LIFE for 10 years now and they've been celebrating all weekend long with peeps from all over and I really wish them nothing but the absolute BEST. Cheers you two. Hope you had a fabulous weekend. I went download crazy at the iTunes store last night, staying up well past my bedtime downloading the likes of Lily Allen (3 b-sides and a remix), Camp Lo, a track with Eminem & Masta Ace, DJ Jazzy Jeff featuring Method Man, Marco Polo featuring Masta Ace, O.C. & Copywrite, two tracks featuring R.A. The Rugged Man (illest emcee on the planet, PERIOD), Garbage remixed by Massive Attack...even downloaded Push It by Salt N Pepa, cause dammit, why the hell not? But because of staying up late to download all that, this blog may be a tad short. You really can't complain though - it's two blogs within 24 hours. Will it ever happen again? Will Baird's silly ass be able to do a third tomorrow? Will the ground shake and mountains crumble at the very thought of it all? Is this the most dramatic ish you've ever read in your life? My eyelids are getting heavy, forgive me. I must now retire...for this evening. If I'm back tomorrow it will be some kind of miracle. Must have something to do with god's day or some ish like DAT. Like this, that, and this and uhhhhh.....oh! Erykah Badu's debut and Warren G's debut have been re-issued, both with a bonus cd of remixes and ISH like that. Madness. Madness in the hood I tell you!!! Why can't I stop typing?! Pull me away from the damn computer..."PUBLISH POST" and let's be OUT this muthafucka. Off to catch mad ZED's for REAL. In closing, I'd like to remind you - stay fly....off the damn scales, even surrounded by the blinking lights and sounds of video games at 11 o'clock in the morning. F to the L to the Y....all day, every day.............

SATURDAY NITE FEVER...WORD to MAMA MIA!

Connected like Sinatra...the phantom of the opera. G'DAMN. Not a blog in sight. No blog to be had. No blog action. Nothing. Zero. ZILCH. Zilch is a great fucking word. Please incorporate it into your everyday conversations. Please be like me. Mix up 2 shots of Absolut Raspberry, some white apple juice, shake it up, pour it into a chilled martini glass and call it GOOD. My mom and sister came down from Vancouver today to kick it with Max. Hadn't seen them in a minute...as in minute = 4-5 months now I think. Like I said, it's been a minute. So we go out, have lunch, go to Toys R Us, check out Borders, get a coffee, and then we head back to my place. When we get home, I run down to the mailbox with Max in the hopes of something MAYJAH being in there for me. And there is. And it's fooking MAYJAH with a capital "M". It's the new Public Enemy album, an advanced copy, sent to me since I'll be doing an interview with one of their producers, Gary G-Wiz. For those familar with PE, G-Wiz has been around since Apocalypse 91...The Enemy Strikes Black. That means I've been going bananas for his beats since I was 15 or 16 years old. Lemme grab that album real quick. Dude is responsible for such cuts as Lost At Birth (greatest album intro EVER), Nighttrain, Can't Truss It, By The Time I Get To Arizona, Shut'em Down....like I said - MAYJAH. And after loading up the new Public Enemy onto my iPod and giving it a solid listen, I'm just THAT much more excited to be speaking with him. It's easily their best work in years. Solid from start to finish. Elements of soul, funk and rock brought into the mix. Hard ass beats. BLOCK ROCKIN' BEATS. This ish is gonna sound soooo fucking good in the Passat. Windows down - Public Enemy #1. Speaking of soul, Samuel L Jackson put in his best performance in a llllllong ass time in Black Snake Moan. The movie was not what I expected and he was amazing in it. Check it out. Also watched another movie starring Justin Timberlake called Alpha Dog. Decent flick but nothing spectacular. It got going pretty well and then nothing happened for the longest time. Worth checking out for Sharon Stone acting again. You know, she was soooo good in Casino...what in the HELL happened?? Doesn't really matter to me. Will not loose sleep over it. So anyways, just wanted to check in, say what's up, tell you that life is so good at age 32, I'm already looking forward to 33. So fly. So damn fly. Do a double take. Still fly and always will be....FLY..............

TOP TWENTY FIVE

I came across this while eating lunch and loved it. Chris Rock's Top 25 Hip Hop Albums. I may come up with my own list down the line, but until then, read this...


25.) DIZZIE RASCAL - Boy in Da Corner (2004)
This shit is so ahead of its time, I don't know why they told him to do it slower and make it sound American or whatever they did on his next album. It's hard, man. I'm surprised no American rappers were smart enough to have him produce them. When you hear those beats, you think "OK, if blankety-blank was on this, it would be a hit."
That Dizzee Rascal is just fucking ridiculous. Make this one my last one.

24.) DJ QUIK - WAY 2 FONKY (1992)
This is such a mindless gangsta-rap record, but some of it is actually very smart. There's a song on there about how different cities are "just like Compton." It's about how this gang shit is spreading all over the country.

23.) LAURYN HILL - THE MISEDUCATION OF LAURYN HILL (1998)
Lauryn Hill was groundbreaking because for the first time since Salt-N-Pepa the world was hearing a heterosexual woman rap an couldn't believe it. This is a masterpeice of a record.
I know there's a lot of singing on there, but there's a lot of rapping, too.
People don't have a problem with conscious rap; they have a problem with conscious beats.
If you make some ignorant beats, you can say all the smart shit you want.

22.) PUBLIC ENEMY - IT TAKES A NATION OF MILLION TO HOLD US BACK (1988)
It still holds up. The beats and production are just incredible. Chuck, Flavor, political conscious-ness--we all know why this album's great. I can't say anything that hasn't been said about it.

21.) OUTKAST - AQUEMINI (1998)
All their records are good, but this one went to the next level. "Liberation" is my favorite. You can hear the Erykah Badu influence on this record. OutKast did a great record while Andre was with Erykah. Common made a great record when he was with Erykah. Before I write any more jokes, I think I'm gonna call Erykah Badu.

20.) NAS - STILLMATIC (2001)
Do you know what I like about Stillmatic? Jay-Z (who is famously dissed on the song "Ether") should have gotten a co-producer's credit on it, because Nas was definitely floundering just before it. It's like Mama Said Knock You Out eleven years earlier, where a guy just reclaimed his spot with some great records. There's a record on there called "2nd Childhood" about people who won't grow up, that's just so fucking smart.

19.) JAY-Z - REASONABLE DOUBT (1996)
I love this CD and I hate it. I love it 'cause it's Jay's best record -- best beats, best flow -- and I hate it 'cause since it came out every rap record is trying to copy it. What Jay-Z did with Rea-
sonable Doubt is take the Scarface formula and pretty it up for New York. Reasonable Doubt is his real Blueprint. I still listen to it.

18.) SCARFACE - MR. SCARFACE IS BACK (1991)
Everything Biggie did, everything 'Pac did, everything Jay-Zdoes was originally done on the first Scarface album. Biggie kills himself at the end of his first record; well, Scarface did it three years earlier. He was the first guy to do his rhymes in the first person about robbing people and drug dealing; he was the first guy to really talk about being depressed and being institutionalized, and how his mama is scared of him. He is the most underrated rapper of all time and absolutely in the top three. You cannot get to four without mentioning Scarface. Any rapper knows that.

17.) ICE CUBE - AMERIKKKA'S MOST WANTED (1990)
This is the original Best of Both Worlds. You've got the East Coast and the West Coast together.
And you've got Ice Cube at his maddest. He was the mack. I remember when Ice Cube played at the Apollo on this tour. Every rapper in town was there. It was like seeing Hendrix or some shit.
From 1990 to 1994, Ice Cube was unquestionably the best rapper in the world -- without peer.

16.) WYCLEF JEAN - THE CARVINAL (1997)
Forget all that you know. Much like Liquid Swords, The Carvinal is the best Fugees record. It's better than The Score. They're all on there -- it's Wyclef Jean, it's Lauryn Hil, it's Pras, it's that John Forte cat who's in jail. And it's all of them at their best. Even the Neville Brothers are on the album. They rap in French; "Gone Till November" is on there; it's insane. Go back and listen to this album, and try to block out all his other records. It's like watching Rocky. If you forget about most of the other Stallone films, you have a masterpiece.

15.) GETO BOYS - THE RESURRECTION (1996)
The last line of the whole album is "I'm the type of nigga that throws a party when the flag burns/I'm at the point of no return." When I heard that lyric, I was like, "OK, you got me, man." The whole Resurrection album is Scarface, Willie D, and Bushwick Bill getting politically conscious, but in a Geto Boys way. It's gangsta, and it's an incredible record. It's also (Audioslave/Rage Against The Machine guitarist) Tom Morello's favorite album.

14.) GHOSTFACE KILLAH - SUPREME CLIENTELE (2000)
This will go down as the last great Wu-Tang album. "Stroke Of Death" is so gangster it makes you wanna stab your baby sitter. There's a record on there that's just a scratch; Ghostface lets the beat play for four seconds, then keeps bringing it back. My other favorite Wu-Tang albumis Ol' Dirty Bastard's Nigga Please.
It's so much fun. It's kind of like There's A Riot Goin' On, because he was that high.

13.) GENIUS/GZA - LIQUID SWORDS
For my money, Liquid Swords is the best Wu-Tang Clan album. It's like the Songs in the Key of Life of rap.
It's so fucking smart and so hard. Everybody's on there, too. You don't really need a Wu-Tang album; Liquid Swords is all you really need to know. As you grow older, you look for records that hold up. And Liquid Swords holds up.

12.) ERIC B. AND RAKIM - FOLLOW THE LEADER (1988)
If I ever have a son, his middle name will be Rakim. "Lyrics Of Fury" is probablly, lyrically, the best rapping anyone's ever done. The line I love most is on "Follow The Leader": "I can take a phrase that's rarely heard/Flip it/Now it's a daily word." That's what every writer aspires to. It's the flyest shit I've ever heard. I have that on a wall in my office. The coolest thing about Rakim is that he's the only rapper who really has a mystique.
He's still to this day the most mysterious guy in rap. He's not quite Sly Stone, but people wonder.

11.) THE D.O.C. - NO ONE CAN DO IT BETTER (1989)
Before Dre found Snoop, he had the D.O.C. I was going to school in Brooklyn, and the only time you could see rap videos was on a weekend show with Ralph McDaniels called Video Music Box. D.O.C.'s video for "It's Funky Enough" premiered, and D.O.C. had an L.A. Kings hat on. When I came to school on Monday, half the kids in Brooklyn had L.A. Kings hats on. It was official. The whole album was great, especially the last cut, "The Grand Finale," with the D.O.C. and NWA.

10.) DE LA SOUL - BUHLOONE MINDSTATE (1993)
The first two De La Soul albums are two of the greatest albums ever, but Buhloone Mindstate is so grown up.
It helped shape me as a comedian. It's the last album Prince Paul produced for them and, as far as I'm concerned, he's a member of De La Soul. If you take Prince Paul out, none of the albums hold up. It's also got that great line "Fuck being heard, Posdnuos is complicated." That's some gangsta shit, because he don't give a fuck.

9.) A TRIBE CALLED QUEST - THE LOW-END THEORY (1991)
It's really hard to top this album. They made other good records, but they never got to this level again. It is from beginning to end a masterpiece. Phife has got a weird midget-DMC energy. And as much as I love Q-Tip, nobody's bigger than the group. He and Phife together are just incredible.

8.) BEASTIE BOYS - PAUL'S BOUTIQUE (1989)
Don't go anywhere without it. It's one of those records that you buy every time you're in a rental car. It's also one of those records that you thought sucked the day you bought it. You were mad because it sounded nothing like Licensed To Ill. Then a month later, you're like, "This is the best shit ever. High Plains Drifter is the best song ever made."

7.) EPMD - UNFINISHED BUSINESS (1989)
The second EPMD album is as good as two guys can get whose names aren't Run and DMC. The production is insanity. Before Eminem made "Lose Yourself", "Please Listen To My Demo" was the best record about wanting to become a rapper ever made.

6 LL COOL J.) - MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT (1990)
The beauty of LL's Mama Said Knock You Out is that it's like the Secret deodorant: strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. It's hard gangsta shit. But at the same time, I could put the CD on with my mother in the car and drive from New York to Philly. It's also the first comeback in rap. It's the real blueprint: if people think you're done, this is how you come back. It's one of my favorite albums ever. It's LL at his best and Marley Marl at his best. It's LL as Madonna, in the sense of Madonna saying, "Who's the hot producer? Let me get that person." LL was the first rapper smart enough to do that. Now it's what everyone does.

5.) PHARCYDE - BIZARRE RIDE II: THE PHARCYDE (1992)
Only in rap do you get one-album-wonders. The Pharcyde are like the Boston of rap. I don't know what happened afterward, but the first Pharcyde album is incredible. The rhyming is great, the vocals are great, the production is ridiculous. Everything is just way ahead of its time. It's a shame everybody got overtaken by gangsterism. Everyone wants to be hard, so they don't make records like this anymore. It happens to comedians, too. They want to be cool, but just being funny is cool.

4.) RUN-DMC - RAISING HELL (1986)
Raising Hell is the first great rap album ever. I like Run, but I love DMC. No one ever sounded like DMC; no one ever looks like DMC. He's like a superhero. Raising Hell is probably Rick Rubin's best record. "It's Tricky" is a weird song because it's so gangsta and pop at the same time. There's a track on there, "Hit It Run", which is just DMC with Run doing the human beatbox: "I leave allsuckers in the dust/Those dumb motherfuckers can't mess with us." It was actually the first time I heard a guy curse on a record.

3.) 2PAC - RAP PHENOMENON II (MIX TAPE, 2003)
You'd have to go to Harlem or a swap meet to get this one. It's done by DJ Green Lantern, DJ Vlad and Dirty Harry. They got tapes of Tupac's vocals and put them over all the newest, baddest beats of the last four years. So you hear Tupac rapping over the "Hate Me Now" beat. It's the best shit in the world. It's ultimate fighting music. You will kill somebody listening to this shit.

2.) SNOOP DOGGY DOGG - DOGGYSTYLE (1993)
Doggystyle, to me, is better than Dr. Dre's Chronic. It has held up way better because it's a party album, and its lyrics are better. The Chronic is sonically incredible, but it's hard to drive around singing songs about "Eazy-E can eat a big fat dick." But I got a feeling I'll be singing "Gin and Juice" when I'm ninety.

1.) N.W.A. - STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON (1988)
N.W.A. is the most influential act of the last thirty years -- bigger than Nirvana, Madonna or the Sex Pistols. Nothing has ever been the same since they came. I remember I was in L.A. when I was a kid, and I brought Straight Outta Compton back to New York. More people were coming over to my house to listen to N.W.A. than were going across the street to the crack house. I had the real shit. It was kind of like the British Invasion for black people.

IF I ruled the WORLD (IMAGINE THAT)

Imagine if you met someone that was a dream come true. Imagine out of the badness, goodness would come through. Imagine every day that's better than the last. Imagine the future being brighter than the past. Imagine losing your breath and your heart skipping a beat. Imagine hanging out on the corner of a Bronx street. Imagine if your favorite number happened to be eight. Imagine that you met someone and it just had to be fate. Imagine if you got a record shaped birthday cake. Imagine out of nowhere that you meet your soulmate. Imagine every thought and word simply ringing true. Imagine life for me at the age of thirty two. Just imagine. Forever. Simply put - best birthday ever. I got 32 reasons why it was the best ever but I'll keep'em to myself. I got my boy Maxwell here...he's asleep, as I will be soon, but tomorrow it's all about going to see Thomas The Tank Engine. It better not rain. I'm thinking a sunny break, right when we get there, would work best for me. I think I'm operating off 4 hours of sleep and a martini at the moment. Excuse me while I kiss the sky. Along with Thomas this weekend, my mom and sister may come into town and Sunday night I may get together with the one known as T-Diggy...we need to get our birthday drink on. I can't stop looking at this picture on my desk. Type. Pause. Type. Pause. I started to watch Black Snake Moan tonight with Samuel L Jackson and Christina Ricci...oh, and the little homie Justin Timberlake who says all his lines in this high pitched squeal. It's not that bad, he does alright, but I just keep on waiting for him to break into MY LOVE...MY LOVE...MY LOVE...MY LOVE. I think I could probably write a symphony. Right. Now. Eyelids getting heavy...typing in slowwww mmmmmotion. I thought about writing these damn blogs in paragraphs...but that would just make it easier to read and there's no fun in that. Struggle to read this random babbling that FEELS so GOOD. I accept presents at all hours...24/7/365. Lily Allen is coming to Seattle. I'm going. She's so damn WITTY. If you haven't checked out her album, I'd suggest you do so. Her, Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson - major talent. MAYJAH. What did I do with my camo shorts and white t-shirt? For the next 30 seconds I will type in a British accent. Allo everyone. My name is Baird and I'm from Vancouver fooking Canada. It's such a beautiful city. Mayjah. And cut. I really should end things off here. It's a bad sign when one starts typing with an accent. Totally and completely out of control. Get this man away from the computer. With a quickness. Now. Must catch those zed's. I'm playing zed catch up after b-day festivities. So MAYJAH and SO DAMN FLY. You know the drill........

SOMETIMES CLEVER TITLES ESCAPE me

On the eve of 31 becoming 32, one might pause and reflect and look over the last 365 days or so. But not me. I'm on this forward moving, don't look back, look at me muthafuckaz train. I've seen the future and it will be. I've climbed out of the past 6 months a better person, a stronger person and ultimately, as I type this to no one in particular except for a select few, I am the happiest I've ever been. By that, I mean, I am the happiest I have EVER been. I did not stutter. The feeling of true happiness, one that is so true and so pure is hard to come by, but when it hits you - you know it. There's no denying it. Why would you? Fact of the matter is, many of us just go day in and day out, going through the motions, thinking we're happy when we're not...when we're not pushing ourselves, not truly satisfied on multiple levels. Eventually it'll make you feel dead, like you serve absolutely no purpose. You gotta have purpose, gotta be able to get out there and try new things, take risks, see failure, feel success and know that you fucking deserve it. The drinking has taken a backseat for the moment. I went through some mad weeks of mad drinking...not excessively by any means, but if the mind is not clear, the actions and reactions to situations thrown your way will not be either. So you gotta get some goals for yourself, some ideas, some dreams and see what you're able to obtain. Fuck anyone who tries to crush that. Shine. The beginning of 2007 was a difficult one for me - beyond difficult. Hard to really comprehend how I made it through everything but here I am, and guess what? The final months of 2007 will be amazing. Your boy is happy. Holla!! And it's not because of one shot of Absolut Raspberry either. Delicious. So what's up and what's been going on? I'll be interviewing Gary G-Wiz from The Bomb Squad (one of Public Enemy's producers) next week for Rapstation - couldn't be more thrilled. I guess he's checked out some of my past stuff I've done interview-wise and he's excited to talk me. ME. Imagine that. There's been music I've downloaded recently in the last 2 days that makes me feel like not all is lost. For one, that new Public Enemy single with those G-Wiz horns. Also, new Chaka Khan featuring Mary J Blige, 4 new CLASSIC tracks from the upcoming Common album, new Jill Scott and Angie Stone - two ladies that'll sing tha ish out a track...even the 3 new Kanye tracks I've heard are all real good. There's some much needed SOUL coming back into music or being added into the dying art form known as hip hop. It's a beautiful thing. Sometimes you just gotta get on here and type whatever comes to you...don't look back. You think I'm going back and editing out ISH? Hardly. I breeze through at the end and check for spelling but whatever hits the page, stays on the page. Inner-most thoughts...it's kinda how I do...rapid fire lines. So happy birthday to me. I need to end things here and head for the land of zed's....it's also how I doo. On the real to real, do what you feel, and above all - STAY FLY.........

BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY...that's LIFE

Try to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money, then you die. There is a GOD and GOD made one of my favorite bands of ALL TIME get back together. THE VERVE. Together again. Recording a new album together. Proceed to scream like a little girl. Go here: http://www.theverve.tv/ Never thought they'd ever record more music together but love love LOVE that they are. "Urban Hymns" is one of my favorite albums EVER. By favorite, I mean up there with the greats - The Beatles "Revolver", Public Enemy "It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back", DJ Shadow "Endtroducing"...it's UP there. So you'll have to pardon me if I'm alcohol free and filled with glee. The feelings of congestion and general wackness are leaving my body. I think the allergy fever/cold/whatever this is has run its course and I should be good in the morning. Here's to me feeling normal again and not in some allergy fever haze, not being able to taste my food. Hate that. Hate that Megatron is a JET in the new Transformers movie. Thank you Michael Bay for destroying my childhood memories. I will not support, no matter how "cool" it looks. I will stick with the original animated movie from 1986 and be happy. (yikes, was it really that long ago?) I also own the soundtrack and used to have the movie poster hanging proudly on my wall...back in the day, back-back in the day. So we took a trip with Max to the doctor today after his mom discovered "something" in his ear, complete with blood. It turned out to be the tip of a pencil crayon. Max told us that one of his classmates at school did it. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. There's been some issues. We are taking him out of there and finding a new school for him. I hate to take him away from his friends but he'll be okay and make new ones just fine. Why is it so freakin' HUMID? Whine whine whine...it's annoying already. It's almost 10:30 and it feels like it's 85 degrees in this biz-notch. So aside from taking Max to the hospital, I've had an amazing day of unproductivity, complete with doing absolutely nothing and a splash of zip-zero-nada thrown in for good measure. It's been GREAT, thank you for asking. You don't wanna turn your back on me, when you least expect it, I come with the wicked method....(sorry, Cypress Hill, love it).....I'm creepin' on ya, with the red light beamin' on ya! That's from another great album...their 3rd project Temples Of Boom...woooo....crazy crazy good. Dark, dusty, moody Muggs production....OH!.....one of my favorite lines from B-Real off the track "Illusions"..."some people tell me that I need help...some people can fuck off and go to hell!" LOVE IT. Really, what's not to love? Random useless musical nugget of nothingness - Q-Tip did the remix on the single, an odd choice as much as I love him. Two blogs in a row and we're going to have our showcase showdown following these annoucements! I had Thursday off - took Max to school, came home, made breakfast and watched THE PRICE IS RIGHT. There's nothing I love better. Okay, there is...but we won't get into that right this very second. Get your walk on...walk walk and don't stop...walk this way....and while you're doing all that - STAY FLY on the real to real. Miracle cures for allergy fevers happen every day. F L Y . . . . .

CHANGING LIVES since APRIL 16th, 2007

I am a blog slacker. A slacker of blogs. Get your slack on cause clearly the blog has not been on. Sunday was the last blog and now it's Friday. What in the HELL is going on here? I'll tell you what's been going on. In two words: ALLERGY fucking FEVER. Oopsie, that was three words. It reached 100 degrees in Seattle in this week. ONE HUNDRED DEGREES. Move girl, I light ya ass on fire, I light dat ass on fire. Ree to tha dic and it don't stop. So the hundred degree weather came in and my apartment turned into a SAUNA. Need a hot towel? IGOTCHOO. It was insanely hot. The extreme heat caused me to catch the infamous allergy fever. Sinus issues GALORE. AWF to tha UL. Awful awful awful...would wish it upon no one, unless of course you don't have a flat iron...I might wish it upon you then. BAM!!!!!! To quote Sticky Fingerz from ONYX - but wait-wait-wait it gets worse! The allergies have somehow transformed into what feels like a cold. I don't know what what's going on with me so my plan is to heavily medicate myself tonight and keep my fingers, toes and eyes (Hi Stacie!...I just bit your style!) crossed that I'm feeling better in the morning. These health issues are f'in with ya boy. Not cool. Whining session over and complete. Thank you for reading or skipping over all of it to where you're reading right now. I was watching a VH1 special about celebrities and their mansions that they buy. Depressing....not that I am really DYING to own a 7 million dollar home with a 30 thousand dollar a month mortgage...I just want an iPhone. I know that I can not get one. Not now at least. It has taken me almost a week to come to this conclusion but I know it's the right decision for me right now. But motherFUCKER I want one BAD!!!!! I went to my favorite record store on the planet (Easy Street) Tuesday to snatch up the new Mark Ronson album...and they couldn't find it. They had to search the entire store to locate it and finally called me back at work an hour later to say they found it. In the meantime, I broke down and bought the Dizzee Rascal album which turns out to NOT be on the level of greatness that is LADY SOVEREIGN. Shame. There's some good tracks on it but you can listen to Public Warning non-stop for days on end and not get tired of it. Tylenol Cold is in full effect. So back to Mark Ronson - good, very very good. I predict it'll be a slow burner of an album, picking up speed, sales and popularity over the next couple months. Amy Winehouse went platinum and that NEVER happens anymore. Jay-Z has said that 600,000 is "the new platinum"...that's only cause his most recent material is just so-so and no one was checking for it. Know what I wasn't checking for? That new Kanye West single. Hated it...and now I've ended up liking the damn thing. Did I mention I want an iPhone so bad that I would take out one of my eyes and give it to Stevie Wonder? What in the HELL do they put in Tylenol Cold anyway?? Tylenol Cold? Tylenol CRACK! May I remind you that this is random babbling? Babble young man babble. Alright, I've got nothing more to say at this point...perhaps inspiration will hit me later. I'm off to go read a competing blog, complete with BEER in the GARAGE. No fair! Time for a bowl of Honey Smacks......ohh! One final whine in closing - my allergy was so bad I couldn't taste anything I was eating for 24 hours. I'm eating noodles with hot sauce, eggs and salsa - nothing. Wick-wick-wack. And on that note we say PEACE. Give it to me now - STAY FLY.............

I mean I'VE LOST my MIND...I can't FIND IT

Consuming large quantities of alcohol will give you a hang over. End of story. If you happen to be mixing up the Travis drink (Bacardi Razz, Sprite ZERO, grenadine with lime) and then add on top of that multiple martinis in the form of Absolut Raspberry, champagne (not you Chris!) and white grape juice - I guarantee, you will wake up at 5 o'clock the next morning with bastardized pain in the highest degree sitting right behind your eyeballs. The room may spin from time to time. You may feel like the walking dead. You may still feel intoxicated jumping into your car at nine in the morning. Oh, and I'd recommend steering clear of parking lots the next day too. There are cars in there that are parked, but it will appear like they are moving, causing you to jump and steer clear of the non-moving vehicle. It will also cause you to drive around in parking lots looking for the perfect parking spot, when you know damn well you should just take the first spot you see...even if it isn't right next to a curb. My poor rim...daddy loves you. Now I know what you're thinking - how could I possibly possess such valuable information? Please, please, don't thank me - it's a gift. This evening, with the champagne gone, we dine on ONE Absolut Raspberry and white grape juice martini. Swear to you I will not have a second. Not tonight anyway. Sometimes these blogs will have little random sprinklings of badness, evilness, nasty-esque ramblings...it's just how I doooo. Believe me, I'm a guy that's more than happy right about now (not cause of the alcohol) but sometimes I just gotta unload. For example (oh, did we REALLY need an example?) you parents - you muthafuckaz right there - the ones not holding your childs hand when you are navigating through a parking lot. Cars are parked...yes. Cars back out...yes. Cars will back out and run over your child running wild in parking lot...yes. And the next kid I see on those g'damn rolly shoes is gonna get accidently tripped. Oopsie. There, I'm done...and that was two examples. So sorry, but it's how I doooo. BALLERS!!!!! Alright then, moving right along to the sickest peice of technology I've ever laid my hands on - the iPhone. Don't believe it's sick?...walk into a Mac store and mess around with one for TWO minutes. Still don't believe me? I will arrange a top secret meeting with The Warrior Of Chaos, father of Grace, man of Beth. He says it's the best $600 he's ever spent. He says if it could also double as the remote control for his tv, he'd be set. He says he was going to buy a laptop but guess what? He's not going to now cause the iPhone fucking does EVERYTHING. I went over to his place this afternoon with Max (thanks for the pizza!!) to mess around more in-depth with it and I am totally and completely sold on it. It phases out everything you think is so great now. Your new cell phone? A paper weight. That new iPod you got? Yesterday's news. It's insanely amazing. Not only did Mac top themselves once again but they also managed to phase out their own video iPods. BANANAS. I'm nursing this drink, gimme a second here cause clearly I'm not babbling fast enough. One more thing to bitch about - the 90+ degree temperatures we'll be experiencing this week. Oh, you think it's great? Come sleep at my place and we'll see how great it is. Curtains on the windows unite! Max has now watched Stars Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi...multiple times. He is now officially ME at age 5 and I couldn't be happier about it. I would be happier if I could find the new Dizzee Rascal for less than $18.99. I love my music...but not THAT much. Did I mention how SICK the iPhone is? I could vomit with delight right now. And on that note, we say peace. Oh, check out www.myspace.com/markronsan - his album is out on Tuesday featuring a wicked Smiths cover and a cover of Britney Spears "Toxic" featuring Ol'Dirty Bastard. YOU HEARD. Damn that last sip made me cough. Can I get some fries to go with that shake? On the real, thanks for tuning once again and on the real to real to REAL - stay fly...........

WHEN I SEE you CRY, yeah it MAKES me SMILE

I go ahead and smile. Happy 4th of July to you and yours. It's been a whirlwind of a non-stop day for Max and I. Out the door a little after 10, headed over to 2 parks in West Seattle, then onto the beach at Alki. Had 2 slices of pizza, overlooking the water, as this sick sick sick white convertible Benz with matching white rims rolled by. DROOL. Oh, and I jacked up my right front rim on a high curb parking before we even got to the parks. It's really not that bad...kinda like if Wolverine was Mini-Wolverine, he would have taken out a small chunk of my rim with his adamantium claws. Shall I call you Logan, Weapon X? Nah, Wolverine...SHNICKY SHNICKY!! Really, if you haven't at least watched Mallrats once, you might wanna get on that. Classic. One of the funniest movies ever made and mad quotable. Kevin Smith brilliance. I think dude has pretty much lost it. How do you go and take your debut, Clerks, and make a sequel out of it? REEE-DIC, especially when it's not that great. It's not like he went the Empire route. It was more along the lines of, I've made some classics, now I think I'll go and make Episode I and II cause I really wanna fuck up my legacy. Speaking of, I watched The Empire Strikes Back...with Max! I've been trying to get him to watch it since he was 2....or 3...maybe 3 and a half, but he had no interest in it. He really likes Yoda, especially the scene where Yoda sneaks up on Luke and Luke is about to bust a laser blaster cap in him and Yoda's like "put your weapon away!" Max laughs and laughs...it's awesome. He also knows not to watch when Luke envisions himself battling Vadar and he takes Vader's head off...but it's his own head! Smart boy, great fucking movie. F-word count so far, 3 or 4. Oh, who really gives a....*ding ding ding*...fuck. Target, which I also visited with Max today, did not have the new Dizzee Rascal...but, they did have Lily Allen so I snatched that up for 10 bones. Whut?! I've had a copy but if I like something enough, I'll put down that ca$h money and pay for the damn album. It's a goodie. Mark Ronson (producer of half of Amy Winehouse) produces one track on here and also remixes Smile, which you've probably heard or seen the video for. Brilliant stuff. Anyways, dude has a solo album coming out which is mostly covers if I remember correctly which hiphopsite.com reviewed and they said it was great. Guests include Ol'Dirty Bastard, Amy Winehouse, Robbie Williams and Lily Allen. Bands covered include The Smiths, Radiohead, Coldplay and Britney Spears "Toxic". Yes, I did not make that up, nor have I been drinking THAT much. Sounds fucking (ding! ding! ding!) dope to me. I hear sounds of fireworks and all that crap in the distance, but nothing outside my window. NICE. I really can not STAND that shit. Pretty? Yes. Outside of where I live? You'll catch a bad one. I'm just sayin'. Look, it's been a real pleasure to sit here and type all this out for all eight of Y'ALL but I gotz to go.....YOUUUU KNOW?! Why do I have to go to work tomorrow? Oh, and why, if I frequent a store A LOT can't I get free shit? Like, on every 10th visit to Target, I wanna be able to fill up a cart and just roll out, not a dime dropped. C'mon Target, hook me up! I spend good money in your stores...MAN! Oh, and if someone could find out who does that song in some of their commercials, I would love it - "a little bit more, a little bit more...a little bit more, a little bit more". I don't know what it is but it's got to be funky. Look, this is all I got...for real this time. I mean it. No more. At least for tonight. Until tomorrow or the next day or the next day, always remember....oh, you know the drill...STAY FLY. Period. Pointblank. I'm out. SO FLY.........

YOUR SILLY NONSENSICAL GAME is ALL THROUGH

Towel on the small window? Check. Big ass blanket on the big window? Check. Drink mixxed up? Check. Blog about to get rolling up in this bizotch once again? CHECK CHECK. To all the white trash about to blow off parts of their hand lighting off fireworks, enjoy. The fingers go flying and I keep on laughing. Evil. A bit NUT-E. Shout out to The Warrior Of Chaos who, in less than 2 weeks, will be making me jealous out of my SKULL with his new iPhone. If I got an iPhone and I couldn't get it to activate, would I be pissed? Probably. Then I'd look down, realize that I got a g'damn muthafuckin' iPhone and raise it towards the sky as an offering to BIG BABY JESUS. WuTang is for the children. Bring the ruckus. TIGER STYLE. So fly. So I'm reading through Entertainment Weekly, which is one of the few mag's I can read cover to cover, and they have a review of the new Dizzee Rascal album "Maths & English". I've always known about dude but the material I've heard has been too deep into the grime/garage/whatever the hell that sound is. Anyways, this album is apparently more hip hop, I jump onto iTunes, and sure enough - his album sounds a lot like Lady Sovereign. Guest spot from Lily Allen (dope, makes me smile) on "Wanna Be" and the majority of the remaining material sounds wicked. Gonna either download or check out a copy asap. C'mon hip hop. Wake dat azz UP. Let's get those BPM's past 70 or 80. Everything is soooo SLOW. Talkin' loud and ain't sayin' NUTHIN'. No joke...I'm melting....it's hotter than a muthafunka up in here!! 80+ degrees today...supposed to be more of the same tomorrow. At least it's not raining on my car. WORD! I found the Max dvd we made for an xmas gift 2-3 years ago. "Maxwell - The First 967 Days". Gonna check that out after I get finished with this...features Max from little baby to little boy. Also captures him saying "Baird! Baird!"....yeah...he called me "Baird" before he called me "Daddy". Dammit. Too funny. Can I switch it up here for just a second? I gotta find something where I can use my damn talents. I feel like I am spinning my wheels and going nowhere fast in life currently. That's not a good thing. I wanna go to work, get a little creative, and come home feeling like I actually accomplished something with substance. Is that too much to ask? Is it? Bartender, another drink for the good man. It was Canada Day on July 1st...it passed me by without a second thought. Maybe I'll go for that citizenship but I really need that out for Max - he's fighting in no war. Hell to the no. Not happening. Did I mention it's hot. Missy Elliott might say "I'm really really hot". Billy Idol might say "Hot in the city, hot in the city tonight...tonight!" Nelly might say....oh fuck Nelly. That's my word, you're gettin' SERVED!! New Public Enemy album out in August. If I may quote the mighty Fu-Schnickens from their second album - "don't snore, don't snore, watch ya back door". Could I possibly babble anymore? Stop it. Knock it off. I leave you off with a Michael Jackson kick while biting my bottom lip. KA-BLAM! What's up now?! Oh, you didn't know? Really? F-L-Y all day, every day. Cheers to you and yours.....