I mean I'VE LOST my MIND...I can't FIND IT

Consuming large quantities of alcohol will give you a hang over. End of story. If you happen to be mixing up the Travis drink (Bacardi Razz, Sprite ZERO, grenadine with lime) and then add on top of that multiple martinis in the form of Absolut Raspberry, champagne (not you Chris!) and white grape juice - I guarantee, you will wake up at 5 o'clock the next morning with bastardized pain in the highest degree sitting right behind your eyeballs. The room may spin from time to time. You may feel like the walking dead. You may still feel intoxicated jumping into your car at nine in the morning. Oh, and I'd recommend steering clear of parking lots the next day too. There are cars in there that are parked, but it will appear like they are moving, causing you to jump and steer clear of the non-moving vehicle. It will also cause you to drive around in parking lots looking for the perfect parking spot, when you know damn well you should just take the first spot you see...even if it isn't right next to a curb. My poor rim...daddy loves you. Now I know what you're thinking - how could I possibly possess such valuable information? Please, please, don't thank me - it's a gift. This evening, with the champagne gone, we dine on ONE Absolut Raspberry and white grape juice martini. Swear to you I will not have a second. Not tonight anyway. Sometimes these blogs will have little random sprinklings of badness, evilness, nasty-esque ramblings...it's just how I doooo. Believe me, I'm a guy that's more than happy right about now (not cause of the alcohol) but sometimes I just gotta unload. For example (oh, did we REALLY need an example?) you parents - you muthafuckaz right there - the ones not holding your childs hand when you are navigating through a parking lot. Cars are parked...yes. Cars back out...yes. Cars will back out and run over your child running wild in parking lot...yes. And the next kid I see on those g'damn rolly shoes is gonna get accidently tripped. Oopsie. There, I'm done...and that was two examples. So sorry, but it's how I doooo. BALLERS!!!!! Alright then, moving right along to the sickest peice of technology I've ever laid my hands on - the iPhone. Don't believe it's sick?...walk into a Mac store and mess around with one for TWO minutes. Still don't believe me? I will arrange a top secret meeting with The Warrior Of Chaos, father of Grace, man of Beth. He says it's the best $600 he's ever spent. He says if it could also double as the remote control for his tv, he'd be set. He says he was going to buy a laptop but guess what? He's not going to now cause the iPhone fucking does EVERYTHING. I went over to his place this afternoon with Max (thanks for the pizza!!) to mess around more in-depth with it and I am totally and completely sold on it. It phases out everything you think is so great now. Your new cell phone? A paper weight. That new iPod you got? Yesterday's news. It's insanely amazing. Not only did Mac top themselves once again but they also managed to phase out their own video iPods. BANANAS. I'm nursing this drink, gimme a second here cause clearly I'm not babbling fast enough. One more thing to bitch about - the 90+ degree temperatures we'll be experiencing this week. Oh, you think it's great? Come sleep at my place and we'll see how great it is. Curtains on the windows unite! Max has now watched Stars Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi...multiple times. He is now officially ME at age 5 and I couldn't be happier about it. I would be happier if I could find the new Dizzee Rascal for less than $18.99. I love my music...but not THAT much. Did I mention how SICK the iPhone is? I could vomit with delight right now. And on that note, we say peace. Oh, check out www.myspace.com/markronsan - his album is out on Tuesday featuring a wicked Smiths cover and a cover of Britney Spears "Toxic" featuring Ol'Dirty Bastard. YOU HEARD. Damn that last sip made me cough. Can I get some fries to go with that shake? On the real, thanks for tuning once again and on the real to real to REAL - stay fly...........