Piz-uck Fa-shiz Uck (HA!!)

I wonder what Wolfgang Puck is doing right now? Probably counting all his money from all those frozen pizzas he's been selling!! Do you ever struggle to find the words? Do you ever step on peoples toes by accident? Do you ever read these posts and think to yourself Baird is nuts? I'm not nuts. It's the alcohol. 4 out of 5 posts are alcohol fueled. This one is being written with a (semi) clear mind. I kinda lay it all out there don't I? I write these thoughts of mine many times not realizing, hey, everyone and their mother can read it. It's cool. This is me. It is what it is. Deal with it. If your soul loves the sun, money rock on...1,2 and ya don't stop. (Funkdoobiest reference, sorry) Funkdoobiest performed at my first (and only) emcee competition. Did I stick around to watch them perform? No. Did I realize who they were, that DJ Muggs was the production mastermind behind them? No. Did I have any idea that their debut album "What Doobie U B?" would become one of my all time favorite hip hop records? Nope. The year was 1992 and I decided to enter the emcee competition, me and my man MoPlay who would later be entertained with signing to Nervous Records (then home to Black Moon and Smif N Wessun, major players). He became a mormon, went on his mission and left hip hop behind. While some people may have memories of when they were doin' it out in the park, in the Bronx, breakin' on cardboard, or a RUN DMC concert in Queens where they kicked down the g'damn door....I have a memory of MoPlay, getting on stage and freestyling his whole set - at one point, getting a teddy bear thrown up on stage at him and he started rhyming about the teddy bear. DOPE. Dude, could go off about anything and everything. We'd rock instrumentals in my car and he'd just flow non-stop. Me, I'm more of a writer. Perfecting my lyrics with the pen and the pad, then reciting until they ring in my ears. I've missed that boat, but the homie Josh is about to take the world by storm, possibly producing for some major players, and even if he only produces for the minors and the independent artists, dudes beats are sick. Wow...that Absolut and orange pineapple banana is kickin' in lovely. Feel me...flow. (Naughty By Nature reference) Oh, and back to the emcee competition, I didn't win...not sure I was even on the radar, but it was an amazing thing to get up on that stage and have people FEELING what I was rhyming about. I was heavily influenced, lyrically, by people like KRS ONE, Chuck D, Paris and Rakim, so it was no surprise my lyrics were political in nature. It is what it is. Whutitdoo whutitdoo? Funny, I sat down here, not thinking I'd write much when clearly, that's the opposite. If you must drink, I suggest drinking on the weekend - especially if you're going on a 10 hour road trip. Just sayin'. Bartender, another drink if you please. This kid is on a roll. Dumped ice on the ground making another drink but that's alright with me. My floors, I clean'em. WHUT. I was listening to Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" album today...took it back to 91....OH, and was having pizza for lunch and heard the SAMPLE he used on The Funeral (intro)...what are the chances of that? Anyone craving Indian food? Me too. Hit me off with a veggie samosa, some spinach garlic naan and some aloo gobi and I AM GOOD. Back to "Death Certificate" for a minute - that's a classic album right there, minus "Horny Little Devil" and "Black Korea". The homie Champagne and myself are still saying "peace 5000 g" to this very day because of that damn album. What happened to Cube? Dude was the sharpest on any coast, found some success with Friday and then had to make stupid ass sequels and movies like Anaconda (I don't care if J.Lo is in it!) and Are We There Yet...and then, when he releases his latest album last year it just rings false. Wick-wick-wack. I would recommend, if you don't have some Absolut and Dole orange pineapple banana juice, you might wanna get some....I'm just sayin'. God damn this is getting ridiculously long. Is anyone still reading? For real? Thank you for being so damn fly. Cheers to you and yours and keep this gangsta party movin' for the 07 shot. I'm gone......(look at Cube in that pic, you know that's a plastic gun...keepin' it real son!) Another time, the story of me opening up for Cypress Hill.....INSANE IN THE BRAIN!